Before the wreck, sounds did not bother me. Bright lights did not bother me. Not much of anything like that did…..
However, that all changed after the wreck thanks to a Brain Injury. That invisible injury altered so much of my life and how I perceived life. It still does.
I still find myself procrastinating doing things that have those loud sounds and bright or flashing lights attached to it. Often times I either avoid those activities altogether or power through knowing full well the cost it will take on my body afterwards….yet willing to pay the cost for the experience.
This is the first year since the wreck (5 total years now) I was able to actually look at and hear fireworks without my heart racing a thousand miles an hour with each boom, without having panic hang with me all night, without feeling like I was having a heart attack with each pop, and without wanting to puke from the brightness.
I had a slight body jolt with a few of them….but nothing like before. I slept HARD afterwards and a bit drained today…yet holding steady.
Sudden loud unexpected noises are a good way to light that panic/anger/anxiety button. Knowing the sound is coming makes it more manageable for sure. Being mindful and aware of my body and setting boundaries for myself is becoming more natural as time passes.