TO RICK: Who I later learned spent the first entire night with me EVERY night after work for about 6 entire weeks. I learned that he talked to the kids on the phone to keep in touch and stayed in vigilant touch with my mom – who would come up too after taking the kids to school for us. He may not agree with this, but I believe it was his presence and is voice that pulled me back through. I don’t know how I know this – but I do. He never gave up on me and never has.
I don’t believe he gets enough support and credit from his friends and family throughout this whole ordeal – and while this is not a negative thing – he deserves so much more – so much appreciation, love, and acknowledgement – especially from others besides me.
A piece of him died with me that night in the wreck that would forever change our lives. He was called at work to come to the scene about 20 minutes after he arrived at work to pick up our Austin. When he arrived an Ambulance was leaving and he didn’t know if it was me or the other woman. What he does remember is all the blood on the ground and the view of the entire scene and this little 6 year old child with a whole story to tell about what happened – this experience will haunt him forever. He rushed my son home so he could come be with me and he never lefft me.
I understand I was quite combative and in full panic in the hospital and didn’t know where I was. I kept asking about Austin over and over, I filled the Trauma Bay with my gutteral screams of pain, which he will also never forget. They were afraid to sedate me because of my collapsed lung. This became an ongoing discussion for about 10 days with the staff, but he never left me. He stayed and ironically, his voice close to my ear was the only thing that could calm me down or help me find some center of peace in the darkest storm of my life.
He deserves more than a thank you and yet he says my life was enough for him. My wreck was one day before his birthday – I had something amazing planned and I felt horrible that it was all ruined. You know what he told me “I got you Caren and that was the best birthday present ever”.
This man that some of you see as stoic,, sarcastic and who tries to hold his emotions in to be strong and brave for everyone else broke down in tears by me as he sat by my bedside. I remember the tears. I don’t know how I remember them – perhaps that didn’t even happen – but its in my memory. I remember his touch and him asking questions and fighting for my life as much as the staff was. I remember a man who I felt change with me. I am still trying to figure what that change is with him.
However none of that matters in the grand scope of things – the changes. What matters is he loved me enough to be there for me, through the toughest part of my survival all the way to the first day he wheeled me in a wheelchair to the front door to come home for the first time.
This blog should not just be about me……it should also be about him……because folks without him and his HOPE for me to survive – I would not be here. I know this as truth because I feel it inside me. Please when you see him or talk to him, or message him – hell go find him…..
Thank him for being BRAVE and never giving up HOPE. Thank him for believing in me and my potential like I always have in his. Thank him for advocating for life and love. He needs to hear it and feel it from you as much as he does from me. He is the calm in my storm and the strength in my soul. He deserves so much more!!!!!
Let’s not forget Rick in all this too as he is healing along with me – he is BRAVE and the most amazing husband and father in the world.