Well, yesterday was an intense day indeed. January 4th marked the 6th Anniversary of my Re-birthday, my second chance at life, and the opportunity given to me by circumstance to choose fighting for life or succumbing to death.
January 4, 2014 is a day that I often viewed as the worst day of my life, as it changed literally everything about my life. It robbed me…..of me. However, I have come to view it as one of the best learning experiences I have ever encountered, at least in this lifetime.
This day is a day of reflection. In a lot of ways, it is also a day of high anxiety and fear. It is like the gift that keeps on giving. I say that sarcastically and sincerely at the same time.
Sarcastically, as the injuries I sustained continue to evolve and change. The injuries overall are still improving, some remaining the same and in a chronic state, and yet others through their metamorphosis have created other challenges that continue to erupt into existence as times goes on.
Sincerely, as I have and continue to, learn so much about myself and those around me as time goes on. I began this journey not knowing what my future would look like or if I would have one. I still do not know what that future looks like entirely, however, I now have a vision of which direction I would like to head in. I have returned to schooling, training, and continue to educate myself. I educate others as much as possible about polytrauma and brain injury and I am braver with my ability to advocate for myself and others. I prioritize things in my life differently and feel gratitude for each breath and each heartbeat I continue to be gifted with.
I find myself continuously faced with my mortality and the mortality of those around me. I find myself wondering how the impact of my survival on this world, in my life, in the lives of my children and my family would be remembered. Each moment, and each action is a precious opportunity to build new bridges, experiences, and lasting memories.
Six years it has taken me to accept my new normal. Six years it has taken me to find a way of living that makes me feel like I am indeed LIVING. Six years of literally blood, sweat, and tears. Six years of laughter, pain, joy, and stepping outside of my comfort zones – not only physically, but emotionally and mentally. Six years of choosing life over death. Six years, that on some days only feels like yesterday. Six years, that on some days it seems like double the time has passed.
My go-to prayer/mantra is always, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”, and “I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me”. I will continue to make the effort to balance that wisdom with my experiences. I will continue to wrap my arms and heart around the experiences of others and give the best part of my daily life through authenticity to each opportunity.
While the waves of emotional turmoil level out, while the billows of frustration thunder through each attempt at moving forward, while the storms come and go, and the financial devastation doubles down….the whisper in the wind that keeps me going and guides me to to that warm sun on my face is the ever present force of HOPE and LOVE, and possibility.
Happy Anniversary and Re-Birthday to me. May each heartbeat take me into the next realm of discovery.