Human beings are creatures of time. We are preoccupied with what time it is, getting somewhere on time, keeping calendars, planners, setting timers, setting alarms, and wondering how much time is left so we can stretch our budget until our next payday, and even how much time is left in our current life.  Maybe we are even too obsessed at varying moments throughout our life and as a society as a whole. 

Some, like Albert Einstein would even say that time is an illusion…a distraction to keep us shackled between the past and the present.  To many physicists, like Carlo Rovelli, who says “…our perceived reality is a sequence of events (past, present, and future), and we assign the concept of time to that sequence” – thus making time an illusion.

Other physicists would say that while we experience time as psychologically real, time is not fundamentally real.

The sensation of time seeming to perpetually “freeze” often arises as a byproduct of awe or amazement, that rare but overwhelming feeling of reverence we experience when witnessing something wonderful or miraculous. 

Interestingly, one of the strangest side-effects of intense dread or fear, is the magnification and simultaneous slowing down of time. This is often put into visual form in movies when we see a specific moment or scene slowed to a very dramatic and obvious pace that seems surreal.

Additionally, a lot of us find ourselves losing track of time. Among all the things that can cause this losing track of time phenomena, there are some medical things to consider as possibilities. For example, how fast we are able to process our sensory input along with what we experience with our senses can change our perception of time.  There are even a few studies that show that an auditory event can appear to last longer than one that we see visually.  According to one study, we feel time passing faster when we enjoy things that are rewarding or pleasurable, which increases dopamine activity in the brain. Losing time can also indicate dyschronometria (loss of time due to dyslexia, dementia, or certain parts of the brain being damaged), ADHD, or mental health issues such as depression.

On the non-medical side of things, losing time is often experienced when we become unaware of time passing as a result of being fully absorbed in an activity or task, a consequence of procrastination, a sea of distractions, having poor time management skills, having busy schedules, following a monotonous routine, lacking motivation, or even caught up in a few moments of unplugged mindful bliss.

Another common way of tracking time is birthdays, the celebration we embrace that says we have managed to survive the trials and tribulations of another passing year.  I recently celebrated my 50^th birthday, 5 decades, or a half of a century depending on whether it is laden with jokes or not.

Another way of marking milestones of time is by recognizing certain anniversaries.  Some anniversaries are endured (usually those associated with heartache, sense of loss, or grief); and some celebrated (like a birth, graduation, marriage, accomplishment, or milestones).

This brings us full circle to what is spurring the creation of this Blog today. This year marks the 10 year Anniversary of the very thing that inspired this very blog – an auto accident on January 4, 2014.  I have posted a blog every year on or around this Anniversary, with the exception of last year (the 9^th year). I was prepared to write one and then as each day passed it became something I felt I had to forego as the words I envisioned putting here seemed too far out of reach. This year, I genuinely wanted to post this on the 4^th yet as the 4^th got closer and closer I started to feel some kind of absolute obligation to acknowledge how far I have come.  10 years, after all, is a hell of a milestone.

 I kept sitting with the words, thoughts, experiences, and memories, or lack thereof, swarming in my head of the last 10 years of this recovery and rehabilitation journey; a journey where I have inherently made, and continue to make, valiant steps at re-inventing myself.  I am slowly blossoming into the me I have been becoming, and it is ironic how things have come full circle, and I am left with a stark realization that I have been gifted with time. This whole process has been extensively mind boggling, emotionally mercurial, and fills me with pause. 

Let’s make a full stop to digest that for a moment.

There are many events, lessons, personal developments, professional developments, and a sordid amount of moments that have taken place. The list would be impossible to delineate or detail in a simple blog post. Yet, all have been consequential to my growth as a human being with all the cloaks of comfort and opportunity I wear (as a mom, wife, sister, friend, survivor, student, advocate, business owner, etc). 

I will take this opportunity though to turn the hourglass into a verbal synopsis. Pain still wreaks havoc with me, often very unpredictably, though is more managed.  Mobility is still a challenge in lots of ways, and in some ways I see, declining, yet I am still mobile, breathing, functioning.  This is worth celebrating. Finances are an ongoing real struggle, yet we still find a way to make things possible.  I am sure this is due to a lot of divine intervention and is truly a miraculous feat in and of itself. I am currently safe in a home with my family, and in a Country with amenities we would not be afforded in other Countries, and for this I am deeply grateful. My memory and emotions are all over over the place – each like a new discovery that I continue to protect and covet. My health is a rubik’s cube that occasionally lines up, and other times is a series of rotating puzzle pieces. However, I am still able to think, research, learn, and evolve. 

I have a deep appreciation for the linked together moments that build on each other. I have been enjoying the last 3 years as a new grandmother.  We now have 3 grandchildren. We have lived to see only 2 boys left at home, our youngest start High School, and I myself have even returned to school to further my own education.  I have met many professional goals (albeit much slower than I originally envisioned), and continue to move forward with this venture.  We have all been blessed with 9 more years of time with my mom (who nearly died, went on and came off a vent in 2015). Indeed, there are many things to be grateful for.

My journey has afforded me the opportunity to network, meet, and advocate with lots of providers, organizations, individuals, and groups that I may not have had the opportunity to know without the time that I have been given.

This is what guides me and propels me in a forward thinking fashion.  Seeing the precious process of experiences, creating new memories, and choosing to navigate all things given – whether effective or ineffective in my life.

As time passes, and I continue to reminisce about the last 10 years, and what the next 10 years might hold, I continue to be wrapped in the warmth of HOPE, faith, and an ever present growing awareness of my own mortality.

Until then….we celebrate!  We celebrate being 50 years young.  We celebrate only being halfway to reaching a century.  We celebrate not only surviving, but thriving!  We celebrate those moments that build into additional moments, which build into – despite any disabilities, hurdles, struggles, or setbacks – a life worth living.

~Caren Robinson, January 2023

I look forward to hearing your feedback. There are a number of ways to connect.

Happy 10^th Anniversary to me and all my fellow HOPEsters!